Bitter

So am I just getting out there on this blog b/c no one really reads or even knows that I have it but...I am BITTER and totally having a pity party for myself today! UGH!! Bitter, bitter, bitter, so bitter and most of it is my fault. I can totally change the way I look at stuff but I plan everyone else around for my own problems. It is not everyone else fault that I am not pregnant, or in debt, or stressed about my step- daughter, the way I choose to deal with those things are my responsibilty. I need to change how I look at things, I need to re-evaluate how I deal with things, I need to accept how things are and learn to be okay with that. I need to put on my big girl panties and just do it. But what is "it?" I think some of it is dealing with fear, some of it is just that I am lazy, and the other is ... anger, grrr.

I ran out of steam....and I still feel bitter. How do I solve this...

Scary....

So I am trying not to have this feeling but I really do:) I have a feeling, a belief, a HOPE, a wish that this will be the month I become pregnant. It is scary to have it b/c if it is not true then what? I know in my heart that I am very lucky and still have a family that loves but I want that family to include one more member.

I heard on television yesterday, that we need to take care of the details and let God take care of the big picture. That is my plan - at least I am going to try.

Till next time

Well it is about time...

Okay so this is for my Stephanie - it is has been awhile since I have posted anything. Does it count that I have thougth about posting?! I figured not:)

Topic - Summer! What do I love about summer?!!

S - swimming by the pool with a fruity drink in my left hand and a piece of fruit in the other hand.
U - gh!! It is hot! But I love it! I would not live some where if I could not wear my shorts and flip flops most of the year. I am lucky though b/c hot weather does not bother me too much but I hate humidity b/c it makes my hair curly.
M - many many days of doing NOTHING!!
M - many days spending time with my awesome nephews who are growing up way too fast.
E - exciting Wed nights wathching So You Think you Can Dance! Woo hoo!!
R - ready for anything!

I know this might be lame but I love summer until it is over! Then the anxiety of the school year starts to set in.

Today is a good day b/c I made that choice.

Till next time

Be Grateful

So this is my first blog and what not sure what I am supposed to say or do - part of me wants to blurt out feelings and beliefs and goals that are bottled up and teh toerh knows that people will read this and I just want to stay hidden. This is how I feel most days - very unsure and very undecided about what I should say, think, do, feel, act, etc. Today I am still sick. I have been sick for about a week and half and I finally headed to the allergist tomorrow. I am started the gluten free food plan (I hate the word diet) yesterday -again - b/c I a fell of the wagon on Saturday.

I guess I should at the beginnning...I am have been married for almost 6 years to a very wonderful, complex, ever improving, funny man - Jeff. He has a 13 year old step daughter who lives mostly with her mom. I have known her since she was 5 so we have a pretty good relationship - the best you can have with a teenager who knows everything:) Jeff and I met at work and quickly developed a friendship; I would definitely say he is my best friend. We have been through MANY MANY ups and down but have stuck it out. I am very thankful for him.

So I guess I know what this first blog is going to be about - something Jeff reminds me of almost everyday - my gratitude list.

I am thankful for....
~my husband - who cooks dinner every night, gets me candy when I am sad, takes the dogs out in the middle of the night, irons my shirt when I am too tried, lets me rant and rave with out saying word, and so much more
~my family and friends who of course when I tell them what is going on they are always there more
~that I have a job that hopefully makes lives better
~salad I LOVE SALAD esp with pine nuts and avocado
~sugar free pudding with a little bit of whip cream
~my puppies who are always excited to see me
~allergy shots I swear they work wonders
~that I am getting my haircut on Thursday!!!! yea!
~listerine :)
~flip flops
~coffee

I try to remind myself everyday that things could be worse and that God has a plan - it is easy to get caught up in what we don't have and what we want. That is my goal for this week - be grateful and show it!

Till next time